A milestone - the good kind

"Two posts in one day?" I hear you cry. "But, you haven't done that since early on when you were tossing out stream-of-consciousness mourning in real time!"

Yes, I know. But this is a BIG deal, and so I had to post about it. Tonight, I cooked something new; the last time I tried that, I ended up unable to eat it until the following day. because it was too hard to make something new without Doug here to eat it along with me. Not this time.

This is a wild-caught sockeye salmon fillet:

And this is dinner: Miso maple glazed salmon with roasted baby gold potatoes and Brussels sprouts, and spring mix, with all the veggies drizzled with an aged balsamic reduction. And I enjoyed a nice (and generous!) glass of pinot noir with it. If you're wondering, the "new" part was the miso maple glaze on the fish; I usually just broil salmon with a little lemon and garlic.

My presentation skills could be better, but I really don't care that much about how it looks: it's all about how it tastes, and it was fantastic. The potatoes creamy on the inside with crunchy exteriors, the crisp-tender, caramelized sprouts, the fresh, crunchy lettuce, the salty, slightly sweet glaze on the salmon... Y'all, it was so good. And I have enough left over for dinner tomorrow, plus two more pieces of salmon that I can freeze.

Most important, I actually enjoyed cooking a meal for the first time in 156 days, and that's enough to make me cry with relief again: Original Recipe Kathleen was a good cook, and I LOVED cooking. I especially loved cooking for Doug, and not gonna lie: cooking for just myself sucks as much as I knew it would. When I make something yummy, I want to share it; making food is one way I show affection for the people I love. Not being able to do that? It absolutely takes a lot of the pleasure out of creating something delicious.

But I made it, and I ate it, and I got through almost my entire to-do list today.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring - and it might be unbearably awful - but today? Today I felt rested, I cooked and ate a really good meal, I got things done, and I'm not full of rage. And I am SO grateful for all of the above.

I think Doug would be proud of me. I sure hope he is.