Way, way back, in March - in fact, exactly one month after Doug's surgery - I wrote a post about supporting the grieving widow. I planned on this post being about supporting the grieving widow more than six months out. I figured that I'd be able to contrast how I am and what I need now with how I was and what I needed then, but...
Every damn word I wrote on March 17 is still 100% accurate. My GOD, I really AM still stuck in mid-March.
This is terrifying. It's damn near panic-attack-inducing. I haven't moved the needle at ALL. IN SIX MONTHS. How long am I going to be stuck here?!? In our session Tuesday, Grace the Grief Counselor asked if I want to feel better. I didn't know how to answer, honestly. I mean, I do want to, theoretically; I just don't believe it's possible.
Anyway, since it turns out I need the same exact thing I needed in March, there's not much else to say. To those of you who are still hanging out, watching this train wreck unfold in real time and providing encouragement when you can, thank you. To the few of you (and you know who you are) who get just that teensiest bit pushy and force me to schedule time together - because you know that I'll NEVER ask, no matter how lonely I feel: I love you. I'm probably still here because of you.
And on that note, I'm gonna go have my third beer of the evening. Because if this revelation that I'm exactly as stuck as I thought I was isn't reason to get plastered, I don't know what is.
No comments:
Post a Comment