Ok, if this isn't Doug doing his thing to make me laugh, I don't know what is: I just had THE most surreal conversation of my entire life.
I'd JUST settled in for the evening. I fed the cats, I gave Prowler his meds, and poured a beer and a shot of bourbon. I was gonna watch the UT-Vandy basketball game, because I recorded it for us to watch together, and goddamn it, I'm gonna watch that game.
And then the phone rang. Fun fact: if your loved one is an organ donor and they die, you're GONNA get a call from organ donation services. A call in which they're going to spend a full hour asking questions about your newly-deceased loved one's medical and sexual history. Because they have to do that, and because God's sense of humor is apparently as fucking sick and twisted as Doug's was and mine is.
Question one: was your husband ever diagnosed with the Ebola virus? They got less reasonable from there, if you can believe it. 🤦♀️🤣
I tell you people, you CANNOT make this shit up. Each question was more ludicrous than the last: in the past five years, has he had sex with anyone in exchange for drugs or money? (um, no.) In the past five years, has he had sex with anyone who's had sex with someone in exchange for drugs or money? (my response: I'm sorry, are you asking if I'm a whore?).
Those of you who know me, know that I can find the humor in damn near anything, and I'm telling you, this poor woman had me in stitches. I'm pretty sure she's now telling her colleagues about this horrible woman who laughed through an entire conversation barely a few hours after losing her new husband, but MY GOD, that was fucking hilarious.
Well played, my love. As always, you know just what I need.
On that note, I'm gonna go pour another beer and another shot of bourbon (because the one I poured an hour ago is LONG gone) and watch that basketball game. I'm hoping if he's still hanging around waiting to get where he's going, maybe he'll be here watching it with me. ❤️
Edited to add: TOTALLY forgot to tell you, but...
Her, reading off a script: Now, I'm going to ask some questions about your husband's sexual history.
Me: yeah, yeah, I know: has he ever had sex with a man?
Her: yeah, that one's coming.
Me: No, he hasn't. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
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