5:31 AM
Just woke up, after six hours and change of solid sleep. And I'm more tired than I was when I crashed. 🤦♀️
And even in sleep, there's no escaping my misery: I dreamed that one of Doug's doctors called me to try and "make me feel better" by giving me his opinion of what happened, which was that they did everything they could, but that "Doug was clearly ready to go." Because of course. 🙄
I'd hoped that maybe I'd dream about Doug, but nope. Even in my dreams, I can't have him. 💔
Going back to sleep now. Not because I want to, but because my body isn't giving me any other choice. Maybe this time, I'll get the visit from my love that I so desperately need.
9:15 AM
Had to log in to my work computer to approve my time for this pay period and finally set up my out-of-office message (silly me, thinking I'd be able to work at the hospital while Doug was recovering, and he'd be home by Monday).
I'd FINALLY gotten my name change done at work the Friday before Doug's surgery.
I didn't think through that the unthinkable might become reality, or the fact that people I don't talk to frequently would notice the name change, but here we are.
10:50 AM
We're still finalizing details, but Doug's Final Curtain Call* will be held on Saturday, February 29 from 2:00-4:00 PM in Nashville.
We will have a place set up for those who loved Doug to write their favorite stories about him, and leave them for his family to read. If you'd prefer not to do so on the fly, please feel free to write one in advance and bring it with you. This is important to me; I was a very short chapter in Doug's life, and while we talked lots about our lives, I know there are hundreds of stories he hadn't gotten around to telling me yet. Now, he can't, so I'm relying on you to tell them for him.
Also, if you have a program from a show you did with Doug, if you could scan it and send it to me in the next few days, I'd be most grateful - we want to make the space reflect who he was, and all of you were a big part of that.
Thank you for enriching his life; thank you for loving him.
*Ths beautiful, perfect, and heartbreaking title was conceived by Doug's beautiful and brilliant granddaughter, Olivia Kay Morris, and his handsome and brilliant grandsons William Morris and Andrew Morris.
12:55 PM
The Vols are up seven points on Auburn, AT Auburn. That's definitely Doug's doing.
So if he can make that magic happen, why can't he come back to me?
9:24 PM
Today was rough. I've cried A LOT these past few days, but today was full on, heaving sobs, wailing, uncontrollable tears that didn't want to quit.
So I reached out to my gal friends, hoping just one of them would come grab me and get me out of this house for a while. I got so much more than that. Tanya Grisham, Tanya Hudson Sturm, Mary Joanna Peralta, and Pamela Benedict, thank you. They dragged my pathetic ass to Starbucks (along with the box of Kleenex that never leaves my side) and listened to me tell stories and cry for a good... Three hours? And my beloved son, Andrew DeFilippo, joined us as well, because he's not afraid to hang with a bunch of crazy old broads. I don't know what I did to deserve such a fucking PHENOMENAL son, but I'm more grateful for him than I could ever express.
Be sure to watch for the YouTube video entitled "homeless woman cries over wrong foam in macchiato" (™ Michael Philip Welch).
Speaking of YouTube videos... Doug and I had decided that our wedding video was just for us. But, without him here to watch it with me, that seems wrong. So I've uploaded it to YouTube. I think all of you who love him should get to see him at what I like to think was among the happiest moments of his life. Certainly, it was among the happiest of mine.
Keep in mind, this is not a polished, edited video - it's the full experience, complete with unexpected asides and unanticipated humor. It's a huge file, so it's gonna take a long time to load. I hope it brings some comfort to his friends who loved him so much.
Also, if you have a program from a show you did with Doug, if you could scan it and send it to me in the next few days, I'd be most grateful - we want to make the space reflect who he was, and all of you were a big part of that.
Thank you for enriching his life; thank you for loving him.
*Ths beautiful, perfect, and heartbreaking title was conceived by Doug's beautiful and brilliant granddaughter, Olivia Kay Morris, and his handsome and brilliant grandsons William Morris and Andrew Morris.
12:55 PM
The Vols are up seven points on Auburn, AT Auburn. That's definitely Doug's doing.
So if he can make that magic happen, why can't he come back to me?
9:24 PM
Today was rough. I've cried A LOT these past few days, but today was full on, heaving sobs, wailing, uncontrollable tears that didn't want to quit.
So I reached out to my gal friends, hoping just one of them would come grab me and get me out of this house for a while. I got so much more than that. Tanya Grisham, Tanya Hudson Sturm, Mary Joanna Peralta, and Pamela Benedict, thank you. They dragged my pathetic ass to Starbucks (along with the box of Kleenex that never leaves my side) and listened to me tell stories and cry for a good... Three hours? And my beloved son, Andrew DeFilippo, joined us as well, because he's not afraid to hang with a bunch of crazy old broads. I don't know what I did to deserve such a fucking PHENOMENAL son, but I'm more grateful for him than I could ever express.
Be sure to watch for the YouTube video entitled "homeless woman cries over wrong foam in macchiato" (™ Michael Philip Welch).
Speaking of YouTube videos... Doug and I had decided that our wedding video was just for us. But, without him here to watch it with me, that seems wrong. So I've uploaded it to YouTube. I think all of you who love him should get to see him at what I like to think was among the happiest moments of his life. Certainly, it was among the happiest of mine.
Keep in mind, this is not a polished, edited video - it's the full experience, complete with unexpected asides and unanticipated humor. It's a huge file, so it's gonna take a long time to load. I hope it brings some comfort to his friends who loved him so much.
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